Lack of SHM_GROW_ON_WRITE is actively breaking Python tests, so go ahead and implement it. memfd_create will always set SHM_GROW_ON_WRITE, to match Linux behavior.
The basic premise is pretty simple, write(2) and friends should be allowed to grow the file, assuming F_SEAL_GROW has not been applied. Grab the total extent of the write (uio->uio_offset should be valid after foffset_lock_uio even if (flags & FOF_OFFSET) == 0) and quickly extend the file prior to writing if the write extends beyond the current shm_size.