MFC r351540, r351590

r351540:
cxgbe/t4_tom: Initialize all TOE connection parameters in one place.
Remove now-redundant items from toepcb and synq_entry and the code to
support them.

Let the driver calculate tx_align, rx_coalesce, and sndbuf by default.

Reviewed by: jhb@
Sponsored by: Chelsio Communications
Differential Revision: https://reviews.freebsd.org/D21387

r351590:
cxgbe/t4_tom: Use the correct value of sndbuf in AIO Tx.

This should have been part of r351540.

Sponsored by: Chelsio Communications