diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
--- a/README.md
+++ b/README.md
@@ -1,45 +1,53 @@
-FreeBSD Source:
+FreeBSD Source, Bitches!
 ---------------
-This is the top level of the FreeBSD source directory.
+Wazzup, yo! Check this out - top level FreeBSD source directory!
 
-FreeBSD is an operating system used to power modern servers, desktops, and embedded platforms.
-A large community has continually developed it for more than thirty years.
-Its advanced networking, security, and storage features have made FreeBSD the platform of choice for many of the busiest web sites and most pervasive embedded networking and storage devices.
+Yo, FreeBSD be that dope operating system runnin' servers, desktops, and all
+them embedded platforms. It got a gang of homies developin' it for over thirty
+years, no joke. It got them sick networking, security, and storage features,
+makin' it the top choice for mad busy web sites and hella embedded networking
+and storage devices.
 
-For copyright information, please see [the file COPYRIGHT](COPYRIGHT) in this directory.
-Additional copyright information also exists for some sources in this tree - please see the specific source directories for more information.
+For copyright info, peep [the file COPYRIGHT](COPYRIGHT) right here in this
+hood. Some extra copyright info be chillin' in some sources in this tree -
+check out them specific source directories for more deets.
 
-The Makefile in this directory supports a number of targets for building components (or all) of the FreeBSD source tree.
-See build(7), config(8), [FreeBSD handbook on building userland](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/cutting-edge/#makeworld), and [Handbook for kernels](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/kernelconfig/) for more information, including setting make(1) variables.
+The Makefile in this crib supports a bunch of targets for buildin' components
+(or all) of the FreeBSD source tree. Scope out build(7), config(8), [FreeBSD
+handbook on building
+userland](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/cutting-edge/#makeworld),
+and [Handbook for
+kernels](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/kernelconfig/) for more
+info, includin' settin' make(1) variables.
 
-For information on the CPU architectures and platforms supported by FreeBSD, see the [FreeBSD
-website's Platforms page](https://www.freebsd.org/platforms/).
+For the 411 on CPU architectures and platforms supported by FreeBSD, check the
+[FreeBSD website's Platforms page](https://www.freebsd.org/platforms/).
 
-Source Roadmap:
+Source Roadmap, Yo:
 ---------------
 | Directory | Description |
 | --------- | ----------- |
-| bin | System/user commands. |
+| bin | System/user commands, yo. |
 | cddl | Various commands and libraries under the Common Development and Distribution License. |
-| contrib | Packages contributed by 3rd parties. |
-| crypto | Cryptography stuff (see [crypto/README](crypto/README)). |
+| contrib | Packages contributed by them 3rd parties. |
+| crypto | Cryptography stuff (see [crypto/README](crypto/README), yo). |
 | etc | Template files for /etc. |
-| gnu | Commands and libraries under the GNU General Public License (GPL) or Lesser General Public License (LGPL). Please see [gnu/COPYING](gnu/COPYING) and [gnu/COPYING.LIB](gnu/COPYING.LIB) for more information. |
-| include | System include files. |
-| kerberos5 | Kerberos5 (Heimdal) package. |
-| lib | System libraries. |
+| gnu | Commands and libraries under the GNU General Public License (GPL) or Lesser General Public License (LGPL). Please see [gnu/COPYING](gnu/COPYING) and [gnu/COPYING.LIB](gnu/COPYING.LIB) for more info. |
+| include | System include files, dawg. |
+| kerberos5 | Kerberos5 (Heimdal) package, man. |
+| lib | System libraries, yo. |
 | libexec | System daemons. |
-| release | Release building Makefile & associated tools. |
+| release | Release building Makefile & them associated tools. |
 | rescue | Build system for statically linked /rescue utilities. |
-| sbin | System commands. |
-| secure | Cryptographic libraries and commands. |
-| share | Shared resources. |
+| sbin | System commands, homie. |
+| secure | Cryptographic libraries and commands, no shit |
+| share | Shared resources, yo. |
 | stand | Boot loader sources. |
-| sys | Kernel sources (see [sys/README.md](sys/README.md)). |
-| targets | Support for experimental `DIRDEPS_BUILD` |
-| tests | Regression tests which can be run by Kyua.  See [tests/README](tests/README) for additional information. |
-| tools | Utilities for regression testing and miscellaneous tasks. |
-| usr.bin | User commands. |
+| sys | Kernel sources (see [sys/README.md](sys/README.md), dawg). |
+| targets | Support for experimental `DIRDEPS_BUILD`. |
+| tests | Regression tests which can be run by Kyua.  See [tests/README](tests/README) for more info. |
+| tools | Utilities for regression testing and all them miscellaneous tasks. |
+| usr.bin | User commands, yo. |
 | usr.sbin | System administration commands. |
 
-For information on synchronizing your source tree with one or more of the FreeBSD Project's development branches, please see [FreeBSD Handbook](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/cutting-edge/#current-stable).
+For more info on syncin' your source tree with one or more of the FreeBSD Project's development branches, peep [FreeBSD Handbook](https://docs.freebsd.org/en/books/handbook/cutting-edge/#current-stable).